Community and Relationality
The medicine paths are meant to be relational. For many, it seems to be the path of the lone wolf, and sometimes it is, as initial initiations appear to tear us apart, isolate us, and send us through dark nights of the soul. That's where it becomes precarious. That's where we need relationality the most.
We need the reflection of the community—of elders, of guides, and teachers—to see that we are not alone, to see that these paths have been walked and stumbled upon before. It is a dichotomy, for on one side, someone who is called must go it alone and find themselves in the wilderness learning to navigate home; on the other side, it is an old road, heavily worn with warnings, myths, and stories about how to navigate the inner realms.
It is very easy to be deluded on this path. To think we are walking our own way without any mirror or accountability from the community can lead to interesting exacerbations and assumptions in the personality. One must heed the experience of the wisdom traditions and the people of wisdom they have near them. At least, or especially when it comes to entheogenic circles, one should be extremely wary of lone wolves or those who do not have the outward transparency and accountability visibly upheld by their community, their family, and those who maintain and uphold the person of wisdom in their place.
In that place, it is not self-designated, and perhaps it does not even need to be outwardly expressed. Many of the teachers I have had in my life, if you saw them on the street, you would not think anything of them. There is no peacocking, posturing, or outward show. No need necessarily to put on the feathers of performance to entrance you into their displays, primarily because presence is simple, realisation is of the ordinary and direct reality that is before us. I heard it said somewhere that we should pay attention to those who excel in their field, but who do not look like a stereotypical person of that field—because that person isn't bothered by stereotypes. Likewise we should exercise caution with those who outwardly “play the part”.
The shaman is quite often the showman and unfortunately, there are many trying to perform that show without understanding the psychodrama at play. You know what Jung says, right? Beware of unearned wisdom. That's what I'm speaking about. This path is not all love and light. It can be brutal. Sometimes one has to come to the point of extinguishment to see that there is a flame at all. Sometimes we sign up for the Light Work and we must walk through the deep dark night to understand what it is to really hold the light. Sometimes we ask for heart-opening and we are shown all the places where we close our hearts. Sometimes you say you want liberation, but the “you” that asks has to die. What then? To gain wisdom here is to go beyond your life. To wrap up the play and places of pretence. To stop pretending and hang up the masks you wear and stand naked, unhidden, and unharnessed in the face of yourself.
***
Relationship is a way to expand the heart of presence.
Relationship, friendship, and the sangha serve to keep one humble and motivated, while also holding up a mirror so that one can better see their blind spots.
Even though we may have enlightened realisation, we can still hide from unintegrated parts of ourselves and put on a safe face for the world. It becomes a spiritual materialist stickiness where one looks the part and acts the part, but inside is falling apart. It is somewhat of a fragmented orientation that is hyper focused on the finite individual's sense of themselves as a unified being rather than actually getting to the core of who they are. It acts out with self-serving and seeking pursuits, in what they can do, who they can become, and how others perceive them.
There’s a cautionary tale here for one walking the path. Indeed, even thinking you are walking a path can create a dichotomy and a conundrum: you’re just creating a new identity, a new mask, only to start the cycle over again, this time in white clothes.
So, it is good to have wise friends close by to give us perspective. For myself, my wife and children help me with this without even trying. There is that old saying: “If you think you're enlightened, go see your family.” I think it should be: “If you think you're enlightened, then have a family.”
But what is the purpose of a relationship?
It is to consider the meaning of what it is to relate. When we relate we are in religar, which means to bind together, to unify—it is the very meaning of the word religion. It is thus a state and a way to integrate the pieces, to see their connections and the bigger picture.
I think of the contemplation from the Lakota Sioux people that expresses the unifying nature of relationships: Mitákuye Oyás’iŋ, which translates as “all my relatives” or “we are all related”. When one is aware of relationships at an intimate level, they expand to see the truth that everything is related at an infinite level, or, as the Buddha taught, interdependently co-arising. Everything is woven, interrelated, and tied to the same thread. Accordingly, what we do unto another we do unto ourselves.
We can see this in something as simple as a candle flame. The flame depends on the wick, the air, and the source of ignition. It is not a separate thing but the manifestation of these elements coming together in harmony. In the same way, my life is not separate from the lives of others, the earth, or the divine—each moment is a dance of relationships that make up the sacred mystery of being.
Excerpt from Walking the Forest Path: Volume 1, available in early 2025.
